Subject: Team Houston Dallas PTQ Report *T2* Date: Mon, 14 Sep 1998 17:17:50 PDT From: "Mason Peatross" To: fkusumot@ix.netcom.com ClarkPimp does Dallas a Team Houston Joint Starring Jeff Clark as ClarkPimp and Marilyn Chambers as Deana Co-Starring Ron Jeremy as Rick Johnny Holmes as Leland Dirk Diggler as Sidd Nina Hartley as Penny Burt Reynolds as Mason with special guest appearances by Dave and Carl Produced by Russell Law and BRowser Games Directed by Mason Peatross Music hits... *Bow-chik a bow wow...* So these cool hep cats from Team Houston decided to go to Dallas and keep their hoes in order. ClarkPimp was large and in charge, slappin' down some nasty beats with the pimp-daddy Rathi. but more on that later, First, the tale of how ClarkPimp does Dallas... Left around seven or so in the evening time on Friday, and made good time to D-Town. We made our way in the stylin' pimp mobile, and picked up the lovely, voluptious Penny on our way. She's staying in HuntsVegas doing Sam Houston State, if you know what I mean. In our own due time we arrive to find that we are lost. In Dallas we find a Journey only Radio station, which keeps the mood in a lovin' state of mind... We find a HoJo's and get down to some serious playin', getting our d*cks warmed up for some nasty pimp-slappin the next day. ClarkPimp and Rick decide to play the Heat, cuz they likes it hot, if you know what I mean. Leland and I play Recur, which we like cause we get to lay our fat Forces on the table. Sidd wants to try out the TradeAwake d*ck, which he likes to play in his slow, sensuous way. Dave and Carl play d*cks of their own devising, but since they are only making cameos, who gives a flying frig? That night, after a little d*ck slappin, we head off to bed, with me and Penny in one bed, and Deana and Leland in another. We have a ticklefight, if you know what I mean, and things get pretty riotous, with clothes flying in all directions, and let me say, a good time was had by all. In the other room, they have an all male thing going, which I aint to interested in, but suffice to say, Wrestlemania and beds broken got the boys pretty hyped for the next days events. At one point, the ClarkPimp threw Carl and Sidd off the bed by himself. Hes Some kinda He-Man. I will focus mostly on ClarkPimp, as he was the star of this caper, but I will put mention of other results as I go. Round One - John Blake with the fat Sealed D*ck The Pimpsta locks horns with an amazing draft deck, this guy has Broken Fall, Rootwalla, Fevered Convulsions, Maddening Imp times 4!!!! Some good deck! Except this was constructed. So Clark Pimpslaps and says whos next? 1-0 2-0 Round Two - Maybe ClarkPimp bit off more than he can chew now, as he faces up with Lance "The Wad" Tokuda, who is an AustiKnight with CounterPhoenix. ClarkPimp breaks off mad damage, but "The Wad" is too much for Jeff too handle. 1-1 3-2 Round Three - Scott "The Skank" Gerhardt, playing Aggregious Land Destruction. Him - Jackelope Herd. ClarkPimp - Sonic Burst. 2-1 5-2 Round Four - Robbie "RamBone" Howell with the mad Heat. Pimps comments about the fast and furious fightin' - turn 4 Rathi, turn 5 maniacal. 3-1 7-2 Round Five - David "That'll be" Goodnuff with Serious Bondage Action. He had ensnaring bridges and bottomless pants I mean pits. Clark whips out the Slings and they beat each other with some freaky-deaky fire-slinging... I guess if you're into that stuff... ClarkPimp, into the self-beatings, inserts Ancient Tomb into his d*ck, and wards off Goodnuff's chills. Later, Goodnuff complains that only bad players play red. John "The Machine" Finkel. David "Good God is that what I think it is?" Price. These are not bad players, and they served with the heat. So hey, Dave, blow me. 4-1 7-2 Round Six - Cameo Appearance by Chris "LongRod" Herdeman with the Big Red Beats. This was some quick scene, with Herdeman supplying early beats with his d*ck, but petering out with too much land. ClarkPimp slaps out the HUGE beating stick, and Rathi goes allllllll the way. It didn't help LongRod that he drew 875439021 lands that game. Next game, same story. except this time, LongRod drew 875439021+1 lands. Pretty amazing, since he probably only had twenty in the deck. 5-1 9-2 Round Seven - Jacob "Five Seconds" Chen A quick agreement to draw into the final group scene. 5-1-1 9-2 Obligatory Group Action: Final 8 Rick vs. Jonathan "Pinch It" Pechon ClarkPimp vs. Jacob "Five Seconds" Chen Stephen "BurnBoy" McArthur vs Pierre "Frenchy" Tsai Lance "the Wad" Tokuda vs Bil "Pierced Cuz I like the" Payne Rick made the final eight without playing much sligh all day, while Jeff faced it often. Pechon had a Big White Weenie, BurnBoy had Ensnaring Jank, Tsai and Tokuda had identical CounterPhoenix, and Bil had Recur. Quarters: Rick, clarkPimp, Pierre, Lance all advance. Semis: Clarkpimp and Lance advance to qualify for Pro-Tour Italian Style and split the prize. Also, sidd beat down some minor amateurs for a three round bye at the Grand Prix. Damn we's smooth. Propers: Tim "The Other" Weissman for running a smooth affair. Sheila "PornStar" Weissman for Hotpants, Hotpants, Hotpants. AustiKnights and Guildmages for being Kool in the Gang. Dallas, for being Team Houston's Bitch. Browser Games, for funding the Shebang and being crazy good to the team. Sloppy seconds: No sloppy seconds cuz this show's a class act. ----------------------------------------------------------- Mason Peatross M:TG Ironman - Spokesmodel, Team Houston "Of *course* I won. I copied this deck off Usenet yesterday and you copied yours a week ago." -Alex Shvartsman ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com