I arrived home from Pro Tour Chicago in a reasonably good mood. Well, considering how much I loathe and detest air travel.

I went there to take pictures for the Dojo and just generally hang out and have a good time. I managed to accomplish both in some fashion. I'll leave the general remarks about my competence up to you.

On Saturday, while I was cruising around the Urza's Saga Pre-Release looking for interesting shots, a couple of people flagged me down. They identified themselves as judges. They wanted to know my impression of the Pro Tour so far.

I got the general nuance that they were curious if I was going to complain about anything. You know, that grand tradition of mine.

I guess to their surprise, I told them that I had yet to see anything that completely outraged me. I mean, the venue was cramped and there weren't enough side events, but the Pro Tour itself managed to conclude without any real stupidity.

Anyway.

To get to the point before I forget it, I told these judges that I had seen nothing to complain about and was pretty much looking for some sort of topic to discuss.

One of them mentioned the judge certification program. I said I'd have to look into it.

Like I said, I got back home and I was in a good mood. I logged into IRC.

Coincidentally, another judge on IRC asked me what I thought about the judge certification, and wondered why I had never written about it before.

Okay. A hint is a hint. I pulled up all the info I could find on judge certifications. I'll walk you through it to save you the trouble.

All quotes taken from http://www.wizards.com/DCI/MTG_DCI_Judge_Certification.html

	"Certified judges are recognized for their expertise and knowledge 
	of Magic: The Gathering® rules and tournament play. In addition, 
	judges will receive:
	
		The Oracle judges' reference: a complete list of
		cards, including the most current rulings, errata, and all 
		functional changes. It also includes casting cost, card 
		type, and text.
		
		A membership card and certificate identifying your judge
		level.
		
		Judges Quarterly, a newsletter that will keep you up
		to date on new rules and other information specifically 
		related to judging.
		
		Access to a certified judge email list, where you can 
		discuss judging issues with your peers."
	  

Sounds good, right?

So what do I have to do to get all this amazing stuff?

	"All applicants must pay a $10 testing fee (or $5 if reapplying) 
	which is due at the time the written test is taken, regardless 
	of the result. There will be a membership fee of $25 for the first
	year, due shortly after certification. Membership must be renewed 
	on a yearly basis."

Approximate Cost: $35

So, before you get your neat stuff, you need to choke up $35. That's to get to Level I, which allows you to judge teeny tournaments in your local area. You're probably going to want to move on to Level II, right?

	"Requirements: (Level II)
		90% on written test
		Tournament time: 6 events
		Interview with level III judge
		Level III or higher judge recommendation"

To move to Level II, you need to schmooze with a Level III judge. Depending on where you are, that could mean some travel expenses. Plus another $10 to take another test.

Approximate Cost: $10-$100

But since you're ambitious and crave the fame of being a high level judge, you're not going to stop at Level II, right?

	"Requirements: (Level III)
		100% on written test
		Tournament time: 12 events (including two class C events)
		Interview with level IV judge
		Level IV or higher judge recommendation"

So now you need to do some serious schmoozing with a Level IV. Level IV judges aren't so scarce now, but you're probably going to have to travel to a major event to take the test and interview with the judge. You also need some class C events under your belt, which are events like Regionals, PTQs, Pre-Releases, Grand Prix. Probably some travel expenses associated there. Plus *another* $10 for the test. If you're unlucky, a year has passed and you need to pay a renewal fee. $25.

Approximate Cost: $10-$200

So congratulations! You're now a Level III judge. You've hit the glass ceiling as far as judging goes (only one Level IV per region), but that's no matter. You're now entitled to the full range of benefits you deserve for your tireless promotion of the game.

If you're fortunate, you've spent only $55 for your certification. If you're unfortunate, you've spent several hundred dollars.

What did you get for your money?

• An outdated copy of the Oracle.
  Not only is the Oracle full of errors (as one judge put it, "it's crap"), but it's also already available for free on the Wizards website. It'll take you up to an hour to download. 990k. http://www.wizards.com/DCI/Oracle.html

• A certificate and a judge card
  Certifying that you are a complete sucker.

• A newsletter

• Access to the DCI Judge mailing list

So how many list e-mails does it take before you've gotten your $55 worth...?

Anyway, you're a Level III judge. Perhaps you're wondering why. Vainly struggling to add some context to this silliness, you read the mission statement of the Judge Certification program.

	"The DCI Judge Certification Program is designed to ensure
	consistency in all rulings and penalties at DCI-sanctioned
	tournaments, and to identify and recognize experienced and
	knowledgeable judges."

What's that again? Consistency in rulings? How does that work when even the Oracle is grossly wrong?

What's that? Recognition? What do I get for doing all this endless work, anyway?

	From:         dcijudge@WIZARDS.COM
	Subject:      Origins (and PT) Compensation
	Mime-Version: 1.0
	Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII"

	By popular request, here is the volunteer compensation for
	Origins and the US Nationalsompensation
	Mime-Version: 1.0
	Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII"

	By popular request, here is the volunteer compensation for
	Origins and the US Nationals

	1) Judges and assistant judges: night shift and scheduled events
	   $1 per person/judge

	2) Head Judge of scheduled events plus 2 main night judges
	   and judges of ancillary events:
	   $1 per person/judge + bonus (10% of cash purse)

	3) Pro Tour Booster Drafters:
	   1 t-shirt (2 drafts per day)

	4) US Nationals Judges:
	   lunch plus dinner with WotC Staff

	5) Other Volunteers (ticketting, retail, cleaning,):
	   1 booster/hour (work 4-hour shifts) + t-shirt

	Note:
	  Money can be exchanged: 1 booster =  $2 pay
	  All comments should be sent to me directly.

	Thanks,
	 Tara McDermott

Dinner with WotC staff? Two dollars an hour? A t-shirt? It costs around $500 for average people to go to these big events!

Some recognition! Can I get my money back?

Anonymous Judge: "Also, any time someone has asked a refund for lack of value or promises kept, Tara sends them a message saying we'll refund and remove you as a judge."

So let me get this straight. Judges have to pay $25 a year for a bunch of worthless junk. They pay hundreds of dollars in travel expenses to attend the events. They work for hours on their feet. Their compensation is a few booster packs and lunch with the gods at WotC?

And if they ask for WotC to at least give them something of equivalent value in return, WotC offers to remove them as judges?

Why has it been that up until now, only North American judges had to pay through the nose for this privilege?

Why do I get the feeling that forcing the whole world to pay for this crap is not the way to make this situation fair?

Our Pro Tour players deserve the best judges. They deserve the best rulings. They deserve consistency and fairness. This Judge Certification system is discouraging our most dedicated judges...

And we need them the most!

My final opinion on this situation is best expressed by this "Bloom County" cartoon... which I have hacked to make it topical.

Bon appétit!