I have an example here that will set the mood...

The sun is shinning brightly outside and I let it pour onto my face. It has been a great day. I feel on top of the world. The type 2 tourney I am about to enter is mine. My Necro deck has beat every possible version of that pathetic Tolarian Academy deck there is to make. I am unstoppable.

I enter the shop. I am greeted by my friends who offer nothing but warm welcomes. The little shop is packed. I pay my 5 dollars and take a look around the show cases. I accenditaly bump into someone's hip and think nothing of it. All the sudden I hear total silence. I stand up and turn around to see some gigantic harry beast looking down at me. He says, "Are you going to apologize or what...?" I just grinned and said I was sorry.

The tourney starts. The first game I play some DeadGuy business. "Ted", I know this because he introduced himself right away, was cheery and pleasant. He went through the proper procedure of shuffling and offering a cut. A man or woman that knows the rules is a great player no matter their standing. Discard, Discard, he has nothing I kill him. Second game he draws one land. After the match he still has the cheery look. He waits for me to de-sideboard and then we walk to the counter to place our standing. (Ted is a good player and an even better person).

Next game I play a, you guessed it, T. Academy deck. NOTE TO ALL PLAYERS: take the card drawing away and he does not draw... very simple. The first turn I do just that: Duress, Duress, and some secret business :). Necrologia for my self and he dies to my attackers. He keeps telling me that after the first game my "stupid" deck has no chance against his sideboard. He takes out the standard cards: A. tombs some artifacts and counters, and replaces them with Spikes and wastelands. He has a great hand, I take that away. He keeps complaning about how he drew nothing and how my deck has nothing to do with the fact that he lost. I politely point out that I took away 2 Spirals an Academy and a Windfall (unfortunately I had to use a little unsports myself :)...).

Now for my third match I meet an unsightly human being. Bizzaro Grizzly Adams from the counter incident listed before. I try to shake his hand, he says "$#%^ you loser!" (violation number one). He starts to draw cards. I tell him that I want a cut. He refuses. I get Jack the Judge and we work that out. After cutting his deck, he says that after the tourney he is going to kill me. Grinning, I offer him a cut, he pushes my cards away and the deck falls apart into my lap (violation 2). Turn one he plays forest then Vineyard. I chuckle. My part? Dark ritual, Persecute and Duress; he loses Cursed scroll, an endless wurm, 2 elves and a wall of blossoms (awe too bad fool!). He burns a little. I play my trump. He dies. Post game he tells me that Liforce will end my life. I play a shadow and it kills him in 7. After the match he "grabs" my deck and starts looking through it (violation 3).

This is where my story of playing like a professional differs from Cathy's.

I stand up and "take" my cards back. He gets up, all is quiet, and says "Time to die."

Sometimes in my spare time I like to sit around and think about how Magic can apply to the Art of Fighting.

I see that this man is slow, like sorcery speed. Big and Ugly like the Orgg. I, on the other hand, am fast, mana source speed. He throws a right hook. A fireball if you will, big and slow... you can see it from a mile away. I use a forearm deflection, my counter spell. I spin around and deliver a keen windmill kick to his jaw, Psionic Blast. His head spins like the sage owls. I grin like the Atog. He crashes to the ground like a hewed Ironwood Treefolk. Another Victory for the books.

As his body was taken out side by Jack I just laughed and thought about how all he had to do was shake my hand... Oh well, this world has to have some Orggs I guess.

Needless to say I went onto the Finals and took the cake. I lost once to the Academy in the final round but I got the skills. (Note to some WOTC people: Break up that deck!)

Just remember, Magic is some peoples escape from work, home or where ever else they encounter stress (this is of course excluding PT events). When I am playing a tourney with friends I don't want to hear some Ape give me shit. I want to relax and chat about good times.

Shake my hand, smile, and play me the best match of your life that is all I ask... (Oh, and know the rules, and don't get too cocky, and ooh ooh! Don't forget to tell me how good I am, and if you are a woman feel free to comment nicely on my hair, and ahhhh ,you boy! Get me a cool drink!...)