Subject: Ban the Processor? (Issues or Humor, Frank, your choice) Date: Fri, 06 Nov 1998 15:24:09 -0500 From: Chad Ellis To: fkusumot@ix.netcom.com Picture the scene. You're playing Darwin Kastle, pro-tour regular in round one of a sealed deck tournament. You both get reasonable draws -- you drop some fat ground creatures, Darwin drops fliers. You trade shots, back and forth. Darwin has to chump-block a Winding Wurm, but is still sending in a Skirge and Zephid for six points a turn. Finally, you cast a flier of your own. If Darwin can't kill you soon, the Wurm will have its say. He draws Befoul, and takes out your Order of Law. He attacks for six, which will be lethal damage. You cast Healing Salve, allowing yourself to stay alive another turn, which means Darwin dies to your ground fatties. A good, hard-fought game which both players can be proud of. You each sideboard in preparation for game 2. In game 2, your opening hand includes some land, a few creatures...and a Phyrexian Processor. On Darwin's turn 4 he doesn't cast anything despite laying a land each turn, so you smell Powersink or Rewind and hold off a turn, casting something non-threatening. Sure enough, he can't hold off and casts something on turn five, leaving just two mana free. You lay a fifth land, protecting you from the Powersink, and cast the Processor. And the game is basically over. For a cost of six life, you get to have an unlimited supply of 4cc 6/6 creatures, which quickly crash through for the win. Darwin puts up all the fight a world-class player with a solid sealed deck can, but it's just not enough. Later that week you're playing draft. You draft a U/W controlish deck with three Sanctum Custodians but not enough fliers to set up serious early pressure. With some clever play and plenty of luck, you manage to beat two decks that are clearly stronger than yours and suddenly find yourself in the finals. Turn five, your opponent says, "I'll cast Phyrexian Processor and pay 8 life." "Rescind the Processor, attack with my fliers." "Ouch. OK, cast Processor, pay 5 life." "Rescind the Processor again, attack." "Congregate, cast Songstitcher." "Make you tap some mana by attacking with fliers." "Tap the mana. On my turn, cast Processor, pay 3 life." Several turns pass... "I die horribly." (That's you, not the guy who keeps casting his Processor.) Next game. Turn four Processor. You don't have Rescind. He only pays five life anyway. You die horribly. Now, I know there are answers for the Processor. Duress, Disenchant, counter-magic, etc. Heck, I managed to make my opponent cast it three times, paying a total of 16 life, and in most cases that would have been plenty. I also know that no one card can completely break a deck, since it won't always come up. But what was WoTC smoking when they made this card and what made them put it in a set with little artifact removal (NOTHING for green, unless I've missed something) and a generally slower pace? Rath cycle could have handled the Processor...a quick deck with Shadow could hit knock you down hard and smile when you offered to finish the job. Limited play is one of Magic's most popular formats. The next round of PTQs will be sealed, and they will lead up to a Rochester Draft PT. Limited is also a key outlet for Wizards to keep selling product. Small wonder, then, that WoTC puts a lot of work into making sets interesting for Limited play...a fact often ignored by those who analyze a set for its Type II impact and then ask why WoTC bothered making "chaff" like Pegasus Charger. (Answer: Because in US Limited, the Charger is a beating.) And then there's the Processor. Every Limited set has had some broken cards...that's an inevitable result when a set is designed to be used for both Limited and Constructed play. Cursed Scroll could go a long way towards making a mediocre Rath deck top-tier, and cards like Stormbind were huge in earlier formats. But has there ever been a card which, for four mana, could routinely spell Game Over, even against a strong player with a good deck? Not because he overcommitted and you Wrathed or Balanced with card advantage, not because he didn't draw any creature removal so your Ogre Shaman wrecked him, but just because he couldn't kill you quickly enough to make up for your sudden ability to spit out X/X tokens? Blue has Rescind, Confiscate and, of course, counter-magic. Red and White have some artifact removal. Green and Black have nothing. There is also no shadow, so when the tokens come out, flying creatures are the only way you are likely to get damage through. When I played in Rath Cycle PTQs, I came up against the most broken cards in the set. I faced Living Death/Goblin Bombardment, Winds of Rath, Overrun, and lots and lots of Rolling Thunders. Still, I never went into a match with a deck that I thought was good and came out of game one saying, "Well, if he draws that card early enough, I just lose." If he had Overrun, I could concentrate on trading and killing creatures, play Respite, attack his mana sources. Against Winds of Rath, I would upgrade any creature enchantments in my sideboard and try not to overcommit. There was always SOMEthing you could do, if your deck was balanced enough. I made top 8 twice in that cycle (sadly never qualifying), and while I sometimes went away saying, "I was lucky to win against that deck...it had some SICK cards," I never felt like there was a deck that was an auto-win if it got a good draw. In Urza's Saga, you can have a good deck, even an excellent deck...and have no way to deal with a turn-four Processor. Or turn five. Or, if your opponent has built a decent deck that maximizes the Processor's power (say, with Congregate), turn ten may be plenty. As long as your opponent doesn't overpay and you don't have TONS of fliers, you can just lose. Thank goodness it's a rare. Wouldn't Limited just be a TON of fun if it was common? Now then, what can actually be done about it? Ban the thing in Limited. If you get one as your rare, go up and get a new rare. Or, alternately, we could just assume that you're in communion with darker powers and beat you up. (Since I once got my own Processor, and don't like getting beaten up, I favor option number one.) Errata the Processor so the tokens don't have summoning sickness but are removed from game at the end of the turn. Errata the Processor so that the tokens count as Lands and must attack each turn if able. Then Errata Rune of Protection: Land so that it has an activation cost of zero. This wouldn't really do anything except that someday someone would actually win a match by sideboarding in their RoP: Land, and that would be hilarious. I don't actually have anything constructive to say...sorry if you thought there might be more than some semi-delusional ramblings. Hugs 'til next time, Chad Candidate for advancement from "Strong among the Weak" to "Weak among the Strong" Can beat Darwin Kastle if allowed to cast all the 6/6's I want. Can get crushed by pretty much anyone if they get to cast all the 6/6's they want. Would rather lose a well-played game where lots of cards mattered on both sides than win one by saying, "Cast Phyrexian Processor, pay 6 life, I'm at 10. Go ahead. You can't deal with it? Yeah, I couldn't either, if you'd cast one." Will still play with the damn thing...but won't be proud of it.