Subject: [Humor] More ways to Freak Out/Annoy Opponents
Date: Thu, 06 Aug 1998 15:40:35 -0500
From: Brother Alphabet <jah10@Ra.MsState.Edu>
To: fkusumot@ix.netcom.com

[Humor]

More Ways to Freak Out/Annoy Opponents
--------------------------------------

1. Brutally slap them whenever they play lands, cast spells, or
        look at you funny.
2. Giggle uncontrollably when they say "I'll lay a land".
3. Sneeze wetly upon their permanents.
4. Tap 3 mana, hold up a card, say "Ok, let's see your hand...", look
        at their hand, play whatever it was you tapped the 3 mana
        for. (Only works on people not paying attention.)
5. Make up nicknames for every card that either you or your opponent
        play. Use only nicknames throughout the game. Be sure to
        switch nicknames around when copies of the same cards
        are played.
6. Counter spells with whatever you have in hand. Claim the cards
        are tournament-legal proxies. Defend your position agressively          until
a judge is called, then deny everything and claim your
        opponent is a lunatic.
7. Play black/discard. When opponent is forced to discard at random,
        snatch the card(s) from his/her hand and fling them over your
        shoulder.
8. Spit in your opponent's eye. Claim it was an accident. Do it again.
9. Excitedly refer to everything you do as being a "beat-down".
        For example:
        Turn 1: Play a land.
        Exclaim: "BLACK MANA BEAT-DOWN!"
10. Speak in tongues when casting spells.
11. Change your name to Merlin. Grow a long beard. Wear wizard
        robes and carry a large runed staff to tournaments.
        Produce your deck from a weathered leather bag.
        Chuckle to yourself about 'foolish mortals'.
12. Bring a small animal on a leash with you. Claim it is your familiar.
13. Drink enough Coffee and Surge/Mountain Dew/Mello Yello
        (Caffiene, OK?) to make you froth at the mouth. Do this
        in conjunction with any of the above.
14. Eat 3 or 4 cans of Bush's Best Barbecue beans with onions 3 hours
before the tournament begins. On the way to the tournament,
        stop and buy/eat 3 or 4 convenience-store burritos.
        Redefine "Swamp Gas".
15. Do the "farmer hanky" in the middle of play. (The "farmer hanky"
        is best described thusly: place left finger on the side of
        left nostril, apply pressure to close off left side of nose,
        lean way to the right, blow as hard as possible through right
        nostril.)
16. Scream.
17. Gently rub your opponent's body parts under the table. Ask
        them if they'd like to come back to your place. (Gets an
        especially interesting reaction from same-sex opponents, and            an
outstandingly negative reaction from females (if you are
        male yourself) unless, of course, yer studly like me...).
18. Wheeze.
19. Remove your opponent's graveyard from the game.
20. Ask opponent if they concede at the end of each one of your turns.

Kindly,

Jason A. Hutto,
Farce of Will
jah10@ra.msstate.edu
http://www2.msstate.edu/~jah10/