Subject: [Humor] Izzy's Tourney Report Date: Mon, 03 Aug 1998 20:10:18 PDT From: "Izzzzy Woo" To: fkusumot@ix.netcom.com Hey there, Iz here, back with another tourney report from down in North Humberg. I have recently been trying out lots of various T2 decks, Mono G, Sligh, Black Phat, Bounce etc. In the end I found one deck emerged victorious - Brush with Death Wagg! People underestimate the new power card in T2, brushwagg and traded them to me for virtually nothing (a couple crappy artifacts called "Mursed Crolls" or something and some "reflecty poos" (sp?) ). Anyways, I came up with this, but before I go on you should check out the deck. Turbo Brush w/ Death Wagg Deluxe 1 Rolling Thunder (surprise value) 4 Brushwagg (Well Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) 4 Brush with Death (BA-ROKEN!!!!) 4 Birds of Paradise 4 Stronghold Taskmaster (sooooo good) 4 Primal Rage (All of a sudden... BRUSHWAGG IS PHAT!!!) 3 Reality Anchor (The R&D team must've been smokin' some harsh herb when they made this becuase it is BBBAAAAAA-ROKEN!!!!) 4 Dark Ritual (It is possible to get a turn 2 Taskmaster) 4 Lotus Petal (Turn 2 Brushwagg is ...BBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAA-ROOooooKEN!!!) 4 Mox Diamond (Turn 1 Primal Rage) 1 Jolrael's Centaur - The Rogue 1 Stream of Life -KILLS sligh 4 Pine Barrens 4 City of Brass 4 Gemstone 4 Undiscovered Paradise 4 Forest 4 Swamp SB: 4 Harrow (vs. Land Destruction) 4 Emerald Charm (Vs. Turbo Zvi) 4 Tranquil Domain (vs. Turbo Zvi) 3 Tranquility (vs Turbo Zvi) My deck was well tuned towards the metagame and I felt confident as I went to bed ready for the tournament the following day. I wake up and my pal Dizzy calls me, telling me he is playing "Brushwaggedon", yet another strong metagame choice. He picks me up soon after and we are off to "Furry Fran's Cashew and Card Stop", our local game store. Furry Fran was all in a tizzy when we got there because there were so many people, 37, a lot for our small cashew joint. But soon enough we are on the way and the tournament starts. I can feel the adrenoline surge through my body as we sit down for the first match. I roar ferociously. He stifles a laugh. I smile but on the inside I'm crying. Round 1 Fuzzy Phil Oh man! It's furry fran's husband... He is playing StOmPy. Game 1- He stomps me. Game 2- He goes turn 1 Mox, Harvest Wurm Turn 2, Rogue, Harvest, Turn3, Rogue, Rogue, harvest Diz: So you lost right? Me: No, I won.. Diz: Holy Pikula! I draw Brushwagg after wagg after wagg and he just cannot deal with them. after I dropped two Taskmaster and played a primal rage. Beatdown (n) B-uh-Eetdown - To give beats Game 3- I go turn one Wagg, Turn two Taskamster, turn 3 Ritual, Wagg Wagg and that is game. Matches: 1-0 Games:2-1 Dizzy Lost (?) to a guy called Like Mong (more on this later) During the break I talk to our local "name" players (Eugene T. Dudley, Hortence T. Dudley, Ewald T. Dudley). They are also playing Brushwagg decks so I know it is strong. Round 2- Like Mong Oh wow, it is Like Mong Game 1- We are playing right? So i am beating him down and he is at about 6 soon enough then... I look over and see him nonchalantly add 53 life to his total, puting him at 59. I call a judge over but apparently "Since he was keeping track off his life he uh... gets to uh.. make it..". He goes on to win while he's at 43. shucks. Game 2- I manage to beat him down to 8 with a Jolrael's Cenataur and A brush with Death being bought back but then he pulls a brath. Well yea... ya know what? Un uh! I call over a judge and point out that when I have centaur out a wrath has no effect, therefore fizzling and instead making Mong lose 2 life. The Judge agrees and I soon win. Game 3- I manage to win a tight game with a Taskmaster that goes... all...the...way.... Matches: 2-0 Games: 4-2 Diz Lost again (scrub) Round 3 - Justeen Scmeeder (excuse me if I get the names a bit mixed up here) Game 1- He beats me to a pulp with that hot new deck Geeba 98' ver.98584.3 Game 2- I am winning... winning...losing...winning..losing....losing...losing...losing... then I topdeck... ROLLING THUNDER... I get all excited and start shaking then scream "ruh ruh ruh ruwoll you!!!!!wuh wuh!!!" and tap all my land and 2 manakins. He thinks... thinks... thinks.... then says He didn't get time during my upkeep to cast stuff. oh well, that's fair enough I guess. so I lose. Matches : 2-1 Games: 4-4 Dizzy Lost to Eugene Round 4- Jon Finkel He is playing a deck that looks like a sealed deck man. He uses those crappy cards I traded away - MURSED MROLLs or something not to mention bileblast and assincerate or something crappy. Of course he FLUKES out and kicks my ass two straight..GAWWWD everybody's playing SLLLIIIIGHGHHH. I bet my lofty 1287 ranking will take a real hit from losing to this scrub. Round 5- This is it...do or die... it's... DIZZY SPAGETTI!!!! Game 1 - I go turn one Swamp,Petal,Petal,Petal, Ritual, Taskmaster, Primal Rage. UNH! HOW CAN *ANYONE* come back from that blitzkrieg??? Well he flukes out and play a freaking diabolic edict (WHO THE HELL PLAYS WITH THIS JANKY SCRUB CARD!!!) Game 2- He Gerrard's Wisdoms up to about 97 or so. I play a scryb sprite. You have 97 turns to live Mr.Bond... (97 Turns Later) I win. Game 3- He Gerrard's Wisdoms to 109. I stream of life for 4. He is holding a hand full of counters. I am holding reality anchors. He is putting on the heat with and avenging angel. I am keeping cool with a primal rage. Now this is where things get confusing. He says I drew 10 or 12 extra cards on purpose and it took a card count to prove me wrong. Well my side of the story is that I said "Did I draw a card???" he said "I think so" I said I dont think so lets count. So we counted and he was right so I put the 12 cards back! See! Anyways, the point is I beat him by stuh halling. stuh-halling. Down here the tiebreak is whoever is at lower life. matches: 3-2 Final 8- 1-Finkel 2-Ratboy21 3-Eugene 4-Marc Injustice 5-Izzy 6-Hortence 7-Olle Rade 8-Dizzy , gets in by the skin of his rumpled ass The top eight is booster draft. ***The Draft*** I open up my first pack and I see it. Yes. *IT*. SLIVER QUEEN!!! So, that pretty much sets my colours for the rest of the draft (5colours). I manage to get some seriously broken cards Shadow Rift, Sword of the Chosen (The BOMB!!!) and various beatdown (mainly mettalic slivers). Plus *THE* card - MASK OF THE MIMIC!!! <-- the BOMB in limited. Finkel Dizz Ratboy Olle Eugene Hortence Me Mark Injustice I sit down to play him but before we can start the match a judge comes over, starting to ask Mark questions... "We have heard that you have bought some muscle slivers from Jay Smeeder" "Uh...no...I uh did not" "How many muscle slivers do you remember mark drafting?" "2...maybe 3..." "Okay Mark, can I see your deck" "32 muscle slivers mark. I think that is a little odd...Why do the backs look different than the draft cards??" "um...I..uh..well u see...they were...uh..Factory Defect...yeah..yeah!!! and then I uh...threw them in the uh..hold on a sec...uh..Garbage can...Yeah yeah that works..!" "Well would you mind helping us look in the garbage can?" "No! That will uh..take too long...I will just drop.. I didn't cheat mind you! I just don't want to look in the garbage!" Apparently Ratboy lost and through a bit of a spaz and began gnawing on cards but was promptly sedated by the wonderful judging staff. Hortence beat Eugene down because he got 2 brushwags and Eugen only got 1. Finkel fluked out and beat dizzy with multiple bile blasts. You have to laugh, Dizzy losing to such an inexperienced player playing a weak deck with very low consitency. Semis - Finkel Dizz Finkel Ratboy Olle Olle Eugene Hortence Hortence Me Mark Injustice Me Vs Hortence ********** Game 1- He gets a turn 2 brushwagg, 'nuff said. Game 2- I pull out of a tight one with 3 Taskmasters (all 2/1s) Game 3- Turn 4 Brushwagg. Turn 7 Taskmaster. SER-VICE! Olle won. ***Finals vs Olle*** I offer a draw but he wants to play for it. This man has balls, playing for 13.50 in store credit but I accept his decison (loser gets 2.50$ anyway). So we play, for the ultimate game of ante. Game 1- He draws no land and I beat him down. My deck is so good at beating manascrewed players. Game 2- I go turn 1 brushwagg and I think it is game but if you know olle you know he is THE MAN. He proceeds to topdeck A CREATURE and block. Fluke. He kills me eventually with a stupid mursed mroll. Game 3- He draws no land. I win. !!!!!!!!!!!! 13.50!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Afterthoughts- I really had no trouble at all, this deck is sooo sweet it was no problem beating opponents, even through terrible luck and being the victim of harsh cheating. Finally my playtesting has paid off and I spent my 13.50 on a mint Brushwagg - Even signed but the artist!!! $$$$PROPZ$$$$ - Me, winning and not cheating - Fuzzy Phil - for holding another well judged tourney - Furry Fran , keep on trying - BRUSHWAGG (whoever made this card must be $*%^*%ing stoned man!) (((( SlopZ )))) - Dizzy, being a scrub, losing to scrubs playing with scrub cards. What a pathetic loser (no offense) See y'all later! I am going to playtest burrowing. Izzy@Hotmail.com ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com