Subject: [HUMOR] RED is NOT Powerful Enough!
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 1998 11:21:36 EDT
From: Sivcogreg@aol.com
To: fkusumot@ix.netcom.com

July 30, 1998

Dear Frank,

     A little known fact among magic players is how the designers of this game
laugh at the "trendy decks" that appear from time to time.

     Case in point: Sligh. Any of the playtesters and designers can build
decks that can beat this eight out of ten times. When sligh was THE deck they
laughed because everyone jumped on the bandwagon to either perfect Sligh or
build a good anti-sligh deck that could also run well against the general
field, thus ignoring the blue/black lock deck that is THE deck to play right
now.

     However, now the magic community is catching up with what the designers
have known for over a year:

     RED is just NOT powerful enough!!

     It's a nice support color. That's all.

     So, to be fair, the designers have pumped up red for Urza's Saga, as the
following cards reveal....only....they haven't. Not really. All theses chase
cards that everyone will say are broken have fundamental flaws, and will soon
be relegated to the same place where Hatred and Equilibrium live.

     Poor red. Always destined to be a bridesmaid, never a bride.

     So here are the five new (all rare) Urza's Saga cards that WotC hopes
will help red:

Soltari Jokulgoblin
2R
Summon Goblin
*/*
Shadow.
When Soltari Jokulgoblin comes into play, all other permanents in play are
removed from the game.
Soltari Jokulgoblin has power and toughness equal to one plus * , where * =
the number of other permanents in play.

So what? It's a get-me-out-of trouble card and too expensive. It comes in as a
1/1 creature (maybe 2/2 if you cast a mountain after it), and any blue mage
will counter it on sight, to say nothing of what Null Brooch or Hesitation
will do to it. Pingers will make short work of it, black will Terror it,
another sligh will shock it it, and white will say "Thanks for geddoning
yourself".  Still, the shadow is nice. Red needs shadow.

Soltari Goblin
R
Summon Goblin
1/1
Shadow.

Now, HERE''S a shadow creature for you. Red needs shadow badly, and this card
can block Soltari Monk, Soltari Champion, Dauthi anything, you name it. This
card is cheap, simple, and not hard to figure out. After all, after seven
rounds of swiss, don't you get tired of thinking?

Sadly this and the previous card will be  the ONLY red cards with shadow.


Volcanic Tutor
R1
Instant
Search your library for any one card, reveal it to all players, and put it
into your hand. Shuffle your library afterwards.

Oooo! Demonic Tutor in red! No, not really. Read the card. You have to SHOW
the card to your opponent. With Demonic Tutor you didn't have to do that. So
your opponent now knows you have a Ball Lightning in your hand. See? He'll
just hold on to a counter or Honorable Passage until you cast it. Sad card.

Fire Warden
R
Summon Bureaucrat
1/1
For each point of damage any player or creature receives, target player gains
one life.

What's this! A 1/1 totally pingable/shockable creature that gains a red player
life? Please terminate the guy who came up with this ridiculous idea. How long
do you think your opponent will let this thing stay on the table? Works well
against scrubs, however.

Mountain Home
2
Artifact
Tap, sacrifice two mountains and Mountain Home: Mountain Home does four damge
to target creature or target player.

WotC must be sorry that Fireblast is going away. But really, Fireblast cost
nothing to cast and this costs 2. Too expensive. Also subect to elimination by
Disenchant, Divine Offering, Aura of Silence, etc., etc. Playtesting will
reaveal this card to be worthless. Wimpy name, too. Since when do "Homes"
attack???

Questions, comments, etc. are welcome.

Sincerely,
Greg Sivco
sivcogreg@aol.com
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
P.S. This is all made up. That's why it's in the humor section. I still expect
some to take it seriously, though. Sad.