Subject: [HUMOR]
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 1998 20:19:34 EDT
From: MALPZ@aol.com
To: fkusumot@ix.netcom.com

Mr. Bill(the Saturday night live clay guy) Plays in a PTQ!!!!!

Mr. Bill(onstage): Hey Kids! Were gonna have fun today, cause I’m gonna
play in a professional Magic tournament! Yaaayyy!! 

Mr. Hands: Say Mr. Bill, do you have your deck assembled?

Mr. B: Well, no, not yet. I know what deck I went to play though.  Suicide
Black.  I know that’s the easiest deck for a brainless clay figure like me.... I
just have trouble picking up the cards.... Wait!!  I just insulted myself!!

Mr. H:(interrupts) Well, that’s OK. I’ll put it together for you.

Mr. B: Thanks a million!

Mr. H: Oh your welcome.  Lets go now!

Mr. H(In hotel room):Say Mr. Bill, At Pro Tour Events your required to not
bathe and go to sleep at 3:00 AM.  

Mr. B: Gee, How can you play well the day after?

Mr. H: Well, no one is ever rested, so everyone plays bad.  I’m going out to
play in some ante matches.  Will you be okay in here? 

Mr. B: Sure!

Mr. H; OK! Bye!

(3:00AM)

Mr. H: Gee, I’m tired... well, I did win five mana drains and three moxes. 
Not bad for one night.  Goodnight, Mr. Bill!(lights go off)

(Morning)

Mr. H: We need to get up and register your deck now Mr. Bill.

Mr. B: (yawn) okay.  I can’t wait to play my first match!

(They Walk into tourney hall)

Mr. B: Say, Mr. Hands, could you fill out my decklist for me?

Mr. H: Sure, Mr. Bill!  (Scribbles on form) Here you go, head judge Sluggo!

Mr. B: Oh no! He just wants to be mean to me!!

Mr. H: He won’t bother you.  He’s an officially licensed DCI judge. They’re
not allowed to be prejudice.

Mr. B: I don’t know....

Mr. H Oh look; your first match is against Pro Tour player Sluggo!!

Mr. B: He’s gonna be mean to me!!!

Mr. H: No he won’t.  Sluggo said he wants you to remove your sleeves.

Mr. B: But then the cards will get all clayed up!!

Mr. H: Head judge Sluggo says that you have to.( Rips Mr. bill’s arms off)
There you go.  your sleeves are off!

Mr. B: OHHHH NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. H: Don’t Worry Mr. Bill.  I’ll hold your cards for you. (Shuffles, then
draws seven cards) Oh no.  Pro Tour Sluggo says that your cheating by using
me as a playing aid!  Head Judge Sluggo says that your Disqualified!!

Mr. B: OHHHH NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

(Back in hotel room) 

Mr. H: If you wouldn’t have been disqualified tomorrow’s format was
booster draft.

Mr. B: Gee, whats a draft?

Mr. H: I feel one coming now. (Mr. Bill gets blown out of the window)

Mr. B: OHHHH NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. H: Until next time, when Mr. Bill climbs Mt. Everest, Mr. Bill says so
long!!!( Shows Mr. Bill splatted on pavement, then run over by a car)

Mr. Bill is probably a trademark of someone, and so is saturday night live,
but I don’t know who of.

And remember, never yell “MOVIE!!!!” in a crowded firehouse.  Goodnight!
-Zack Micheals