Subject: Humor Date: Thu, 16 Jul 1998 00:28:17 -0400 From: Jeff Fitch To: fkusumot@ix.netcom.com Magic is Evil I tell you!!! I've come to the enevitable conclusion that Magic is pure evil. I know you've probably heard this before, and I'd imagine your tired of hearing it by now, but just listen to my reasons and you'll surely agree with me. Well it all started about 2 months ago when I was at Denny's(the single most evil place on earth). When my friends and I decided to play a little game of Magic, to pass our time.(We had time because it was our friends last night working there and we stayed until he got out at 4am. 8 hours of Denny's is to much.) At that point in time my mind was a little out of it so what I'm about to write may not be actually what occured that night. The first turn went all smooth, no problems at all. Suddenly my friend began to laugh uncontrollably. I turned to see what was so funny, but it wasn't him who was laughing, instead it was what appeared to a grinning gargoyle. I thought this to be strange. So I turned to look at my other friend. She was sitting there looking at her cards when all of a sudden one of them levitated out of her hands. It began to spin around catch on fire and then crumble into ashes on the table. I looked and asked what card that was and she simply replied "It's gone to a far, far better place now." Well at this point I was bit disturbed. Seeing these made me ponder my next move a little more carefully. I was about to lay a Llanowar Elf down when I felt a tapping on my shoulder. I looked up and saw a Minotaur over my shoulder. "Eck," I said to myself this was getting out of hand. But I decided to play through, I mean I'm a Magic player. At this point I was winning but I had a funny feeling things were about to change. I noticed that something weird was happening to all the cards on the table. They were coming to life. The pictures were forming into real creautres. Albeit small creatures. My creatures were just a bunch of 1/1 and 2/2's so I got a bit scared. My opponents Viashivan Dragon began to eat my Elves. First the head, then the torso, followed by the legs and feet. I didn't know what to do, then I cast my Verdent Force. That thing was big. I cast a spider climb on him so he could eat the Dragon and he did. The funny thing about the Verdent Force is he is damn curious. I mean he started to climb all over the fine Denny's walls. Twice I had to tell him to behave or I was going to have to punish him. Of course I couldn't control all his children and so they started to run around and got into a couple peoples food. Well all seemed well at this point, I was happy and had a srangle hold on my opponents, who now both looked like Skyshroud Elves. Well at that point I began to feel woozy and fell on the ground sick as a dog. Those damn Saporling things began to eat my finger nails. The next day I woke up in the hospital. The doctors said I had suffered Food poisoning. To this day though I claim it was the evil nature of Magic itself. Jeff Fitch phitch@hotmail.com |Team Teim |"I used to |"Sleep thats |"You know | |(Once again |believe in |where I'm a |what the | |proving |things |viking." |best thing| |there is an |when I was |- Ralph |about duct| |I in team) |your age" | |tape is?" | | |-Homer S. | |-Me |