Press Release (Seattle, Washington) January, 1998.
Wizards of the Coast Rumored To Have Acquired Monty Python CCG
Rights
A recent CCG industry rumor is gaining credibility --
that Wizards of the Coast (WoC) has purchased the CCG rights to
Monty Python, which, like TSR, was one of their fiercest former
competitors,
and is now planning an October, 1998 release of the "Python (Monty)
Saga" expansion set, the first of three expansions in the next MTG
stand-alone block aptly named "Monty Python's Tri-Cycle".
WoC also reportedly believes that the "Monty Python's Tri-Cycle"
expansions
will be the most sought-after since Homelands, and may even rival the
ever-popular Fallen Empires.
When asked what direction the "Monty Python" expansion would take,
anonymous sources close to Richard Garfield stated:
"Some of these cards may seem pointless, which is, of course, the
point."
MTG veterans applauded the move, expressing fears that the previously
proposed Urza's Saga expansion would be a watered-down Antiquities
rerun. There seems to be a consensus among players that "Monty Python
can bring something completely different" to the game.
It is also rumored that the DCI will take full advantage of this
exciting
new expansion by making ALL Pro Tour and Grand Prix events either
Sealed, Booster draft, or stand-alone Block tournaments --
which, entirely coincidentally,
will artificially increase sales for WoC and card suppliers
everywhere.
In fact, the DCI is considering sending each member a "Python (Monty)
Saga"
Starter deck and two 5th Edition Boosters
one week before each Pro Tour Qualifier -- to be used in that week's
PTQ -- for your convenience (shipped COD, of course).
Also, for the first time ever, you may soon find in your mailbox an
invitation
to join the "Booster of the Month Club".
Every month you can look forward to receiving boosters like
foreign White-Bordered 5th Edition,
popular Out-of-Print editions such as 4th Edition and Homelands, and
yes,
even Fallen Empires. Many other exciting products will be offered as
well,
ranging from Brassclaw Orc life-counters and Deep Spawn T-shirts to
opaque Deck Protectors stamped with Drew Tucker artwork.
In an effort to boost the sagging product sales seen in 5th Edition,
the "Monty Python's Tri-Cycle" Block will ONLY be printed in
White-Border.
A 5th Edition side note: WoC has also assured us that due to the
popularity and utility
of the Pearled Unicorn, it will NEVER be rotated out of the Basic
Edition set
(to the great relief of serious players everywhere).
In fact, beginning with "Monty Python's Tri-Cycle",
the Pearled Unicorn will now be included in EVERY expansion
released!
And now, without further ado:
The pre-release (unofficial) rules information and partial spoiler list
for the
"Monty Python's Tri-Cycle" stand-alone block "Python (Monty) Saga"
expansion.
Rules Changes Summary:
The big rules change for this block is the addition of a 6th color to
MTG -- Spam
(and you thought it would be Purple).
The basic land type for this color is "Can of Spam".
The snow-covered basic land is
"Refrigerated Leftover Spam in a Plastic Resealable Container"
(I can't wait to see the German version of THAT card).
Spam is represented by the letter S in the casting cost of a spell,
thus a casting cost of SSW(2)
means you must spend two Spam, one White, and two generic mana.
NOTE: Several card quotes come from the mind of Monty Python --
from the classic British comedy "Monty Python's Flying Circus",
or one of the Monty Python movies -- which is noted with an "MP".
Some are shamelessly "borrowed" from other unnamed sources.
But, unfortunately, several quotes for the "Python (Monty) Saga" were
composed
by an anonymous, and obviously incompetent, MTG card quotemeister
(but not the same one as usual).
PYTHON (MONTY) SAGA Spoiler list (Spam has some ground to make
up...)
Mana Sources:
Can of Spam, Basic Land
TAP: Add S to your mana pool.
"Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spaaaaam, wonderful Spam." -
MP
Mox Spam, Artifact, (0)
TAP: Add S to your mana pool.
"Do you have any Spam?" - MP
Refrigerated Leftover Spam in a Plastic Resealable Container, Basic
Land
TAP: Add S to your mana pool.
Counts as a Snow-covered land.
"Bring me a bucket!" - MP
The pain land. Though Spam isn't allied with any color, it gets one
anyway.
Fried Spam, Land
TAP: Add (1) to your mana pool.
TAP: Add S to your mana pool. Fried Spam deals one damage to you.
"It's only a flesh wound." - MP
Fallen Empires lands:
Spam Factory, Land
Spam Factory comes into play tapped.
TAP: Add S to your mana pool.
Sacrifice Spam Factory: Add SS to your mana pool.
"Spam has to come from somewhere, you know."
Meat Locker, Land
Meat Locker comes into play tapped.
You may choose not to untap Meat Locker during your untap phase,
and place a body counter on Meat Locker.
TAP, remove any number of body counters: Add S to your mana pool for
each body counter removed from Meat Locker.
"Actually, this reminds me of a morgue."
Mirage Diamond:
Precooked Ham Diamond, Artifact, (2)
Precooked Ham Diamond comes into play tapped.
TAP: Add S to your mana pool.
"Diamonds are a girl's best friend." (Saaay... that might make a good
advertisement, don't you think? So catchy!)
Tempest Medallion:
Processed Pig Parts Medallion, Artifact, (2)
All of your Spam spells cost (1) less to cast.
"What exactly IS in sausage, anyway?"
The Mana Battery...
Spam Mana Battery, Artifact, (4)
See any other Mana Battery and replace the color word with Spam.
"Mana Batteries were one of the better inclusions into 4th edition.
In a word -- Strong.
But I'm just glad that they didn't pull Pearled Unicorn out of the card
pool to make room for them."
Sol Cheerio, Artifact, (1)
TAP: Add (1) to your mana pool.
"Bigger was better."
Lotus Seed, Artifact, (0)
TAP, Sacrifice Lotus Seed: Search your library for one Lotus Petal. Set
it aside. Shuffle your library, then place the set aside Lotus Petal on
top of your library.
"Just add water."
Other cards that no color should be without...
but there aren't too many color-hosers against Spam, because, well,
EVERYONE loves Spam (almost).
The Ba-Roken card:
Based on the #3 cards: Healing Salve, Dark Ritual, Giant Growth,
Lighting Bolt, Ancestral Recall, and Black Lotus.
Spam for Dinner, Instant, S
Take three extra turns.
"Now you can REALLY eat someone's lunch."
The Spam Phat Moti (Phat Roty):
Queen Elizabeth, Summon Royalty, 5/6, SS(4)
Flying.
"What if Queen Elizabeth had wings, and could fly?" "The course of World
War Two
would have been changed significantly." - MP
Roll of Duct Tape, Artifact, (1)
(1): Gain one life. Use this ability only when a Spam spell is
successfully cast,
and only once per spell.
"Every meat sandwich needs a little cheese."
Spam Ward, Enchantment, W
Target creature gains protection from Spam.
"Can't touch this!"
Spam Scarab, Enchantment, W
Don't even bother...
"Don't you remember? The scarabs from Ice Age. Yeah. Those."
The COP...
Circle of Protection: Spam, Enchantment, W(1)
(1): Prevent all damage from one Spam source.
"Go ahead. Make my day."
In the spirit of Living Lands...
Living Spams, Enchantment, S(1)
All Cans of Spam are now also 1/1 Spam creatures.
Cans of Spam may not attack the turn they come into play.
"Did you ever see the movie Night of the Living Dead?"
In the spirit of Magical Hack...
Serving of Spam, Interrupt, S
Change the game text of any permanent or spell, replacing any basic land
type with Can of Spam.
"You've been Spammed!"
No color is complete without a Lace:
Spamlace, Interrupt, S
Change the color of target permanent or spell to Spam.
"A Lace will be the rare in that Beta booster pack you bought for
$90."
A ***STRONG*** reply to the Pearled Unicorn is...
Pearls before Swine, Summon Pigs, 2/2, S(2)
***
And finally, to whet your appetite, the names of a few other cards
featured in the set:
Creatures like Maps (a Spam anagram), Spamical Sorcerer, Pigmy
Spamosaurus, Spam Elemental, Argothian Spamfolk, Spamzilla, Spamoti
Djinn, Spam Spawn, Spametic Efreet, Spamagon of Virtue, and
Spamslinger...
Artifacts such as Spam Cannery, Spaznod's Meatgrinder, Spamwork Beast,
and Ground Spamothopter...
Powerful new spells such as Glyph of Spam, Spam Walk, Spamtwister,
Spamerazad, Spamageddon, and Spammer of Bogarden...
Lands like Hall of Sweaty Men and Isle of the Spamazons...
And so there is nothing left but to anxiously await the actual release
of this landmark expansion.
Look for the "Python (Monty) Saga" Pre-Release tournaments,
which will be held in grocery stores everywhere.
A pre-release stamped can of Spam will be given to each person who
registers -- don't miss this exciting event!
WoC has also begun work on the two other expansions for the "Monty
Python's Tri-Cycle" stand-alone block, which promise to be even more
exciting:
"Monty Python's Flying Circus" and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail".
We'll bring you updates on those expansions as details become available.