From: "Mike Childress" Newsgroups: rec.games.trading-cards.magic.misc Subject: Comic Relief: NewOrleans PTQ Date: 26 Aug 1997 02:12:50 GMT Thought I'd better post damage control before some of my fellow Austin gamers abuse and berate me in public for my recent showing at the New Orleans PTQ. Anyone who read Lan Ho's post about the Austin PTQ may have seen my add-on post where I mentioned how proud I was of my 12th place showing with an Equipoise deck. Well, over the course of last week, I spent a good amount of time "improving" the deck, making the combo even "easier" to get and adding "a lot of extra mana" to stave off the dreaded mana-screw demon . Yep, that was one formidable deck I took to New Orleans! By God, in practice it couldn't fail to get the lock by turn 4 against a non-WU deck, maybe turn 7 against WU. So let's cut to the chase and admit, up front, that I posted an OH-SO-IMPRESSIVE record of 2-3-1 with this same deck, ending up about 109th out of roughly 120. Truly awesome!! It's a good thing that self-deprecating humor is good for the soul. All the way up there, I had discussed with my friends (who asked to remain nameless so as to avoid association with my dismal record....such good, GOOD friends...) that I thought the field would be sporting a LOT of black decks in the wake of Austin. 'poise would destroy black, right? Match 1: Black/Red I'm in heaven. The dream draw . His guild mage and Askari go down in short order and then on turn 5 I have 'poise, 2 Sands, Dissipate in my hand and a Wand on the board. Excellent! BR will be locked, creature-wise in two turns. I play the Equipose, setting up the Sands for next turn...2 mana left untapped for me. Obviously, BR has no answers for this! HA! I sit back and chortle to myself, savoring the victory to come, when Mr. BR taps a Gemstone and a mountain and then plays the FIRST of his TWO STARTING DISENCHANTS, both of which, naturally, he was dealt! Yep, Disenchant, the true staple of all really good BR decks?!?!?!?!?!?! During his turn, the Wand is disenchanted, too. I get a pitiful Sands out, but the end is inevitable...no tutors, no Impulse, no Equipoise, no Wisdom/Blessing, no further counterspells. I die to the fierce collective wrath of a guild mage and askari with a bit of burn. No problem, game 2 will never allow that to happen again. I have a Plains and Island for 7 turns or so. A single guild mage (again, the epitome of power!) hammers me for 10 points. Incidental burn gets me down to 1 before I get the lock with only 1 Gemstone available on his side. I can't pull a Tutor or Desolation for ANYTHING. He drops the second Gemstone and incinerates. I'm dead in 2 straight to the deck I should have destroyed. Ah, yes...Good thing I only drove for 8 hours and spent a couple hundred $ getting here....Otherwise, I might REALLY be pissed. Match 2: Loser's field: Mono Red Never a good draw for poise, but not expected in any great number since I didn't think I would lose against opening black. Okay, let's try to be succinct. I play a Quicksand. Maybe a Plains, too. I forget because of all the flurry of activity on my side. IncinerateIncinerateHammerThunderboltSandStalkerSandStalkerFireblast. Good game! Oh, yeah... Game two. How was that? Quicksand..Maybe a Plains, too? Yeah, that's it. Ditto. Turn 6 and I'm a mighty 0-2. Afterwards, I'm asked by the red player..."God, how did you ever expect to win with that deck. It doesn't do any damage at all." A certain Austin gamer of some reknown starts to make the circuit of our group, offering congratulations to everyone else that they didn't play Equipoise. Compliments me on my position next round at the last seat at the last table in the room. Pride swells within me. :-( Match 3: Loser of the Loser's field: The irrefutable wrath of the Spinning Darkness/Infernal Harvest/Haunting Misery deck. Is it just accident that this last table in the room is plastic (unlike the other wooden/formica ones) and that it buckles in the middle and that there are deep gouges in it in which you could lose a Buick? And why are the chairs not sturdy and comfortable like the ones up front, but rickety and plastic with really, REALLY nice pointed barbs that stick into your back should you decide to sit back and avoid being pulled into the aforementioned Buick-eating gouge? Never was my shame greater! Well, not for a couple minutes anyway. Play against a great guy. Young, really nice, polite, and fun to talk with. He came with a really cute young girl who's playing next to me, fighting against the gouge's vortex as best as she can. He plays black and I pretty much sleepwalk through the rounds. Easy win. He has a horribly weak deck for the field and even starts Infernal Harvesting his Swamps back to his hand for 0 damage just so that I can't Desolation/phase them out. Uh...yeah. Miser's Cage. D'oh! Great guy, though, did I mention that? And boy, was she cute! Oh, yeah, and there was the abortive Spinning Darkness against my non-existent creatures and the horror of the ever-mounting toll that the impending Haunting Misery would take on me (ultimately, 3 points of damage!) Afterwards, he asks me in awe how anyone, anyTHING, ANYWHERE could possibly beat my deck? It's the most inspiring thing he's ever seen. (Such a nice guy...) I slink off to record my lone hollow victory. Match4: Loser's bracket: MonoRed Uh, yeah, another one!??!?!? Gotta love the things you see once you drop into the loser's bracket. Wonder why that triple AetherFlash/BosiumStrip/Afterlife/VisionCharm/PeaceTalks deck is back here with me?!?? Why it can do EVERYTHING!!!! Pretty good player, actually. He had his game together, but Red is pretty much dead nowadays, assuming you don't get slotted against suckass 'Poise decks. By now, I'm exhausted, demoralized, and shaky. I should have withdrawn ages ago...but my friends are winning and I can't leave until they do so I keep playing. I win the first game even though he gets me down to 1 and then I lock and hold him for like 15 turns before the Miser's Cage kills him. I'm making a ton of mistakes since my brain has shut down and, if he happens to be reading this, I apologize again for the annoyances. Second and third games? See game 2 above. I get a Plains or an Island, whether I need it or not...and clearly I don't need any more land! Burnya, burnya, burnya, stalkya, stalkya, burnya, oh, yeah, and for good measure, blastya. The insightful post-game advice I'm given: "I just knew the Lotus Vales would work against you. Y'know, that 'Poise deck would be pretty good, if you put SandStalkers in it. Yeah, that's what you need. SandStalkers!" Clearly. Clearly, what I need are Sand Stalkers. Those and a rusty dull knife to slash my wrists with. :-( Match5: I hit new lows: I draw, yes, DRAW against the Lotus Bloom deck. How often do you hear "Oh, you just Enlightened Tutored for a Sands of Time? Well, I'll cast Foreshadow and say 'Sands of Time.' Cool, huh? I get to draw two cards!" Yeah, really cool. Somewhere, a very, very cruel God of Fortune is laughing his butt off at my expense. Match6: I win against a new player and end up FINALLY withdrawing at an awesome 2-3-1 when my friend loses his second game in the final rounds. We go to Bourbon Street where the drunken orgy clubs, severed rooster fetishes, and rabid Baptist crusaders somehow make the evening enjoyable after all. So should any of the Austin players (and you know who you are....) wish to post articles ridiculing me after my boasts last week, HA! I beat you to it. Next week is Dallas, and I can guarantee you I will not be playing any deck that cannot deliver 64 points of damage by turn 3.