From: obriense@mail.dec.com (Sean O'Brien) Newsgroups: rec.games.trading-cards.magic.strategy Subject: The G Funk Era (or how I went undefeated at the DC Qualifier only to chump out) Date: Sun, 24 Aug 1997 10:49:51 GMT Wow ... Anyone who reads my posts knows that Magic Sucks (tm) , there are many reasons Magic Sucks (tm) most of which stem from the fact that Magic is a card game filled with randomness ... add to that randomness that pairings bring and you get a fairly random game. So in preparing to go to this qualifier I decided that the deck I was going to build (not spam and copy and scrub) was going to be consistant and handle most of the field , even if that meant 'conceding' to certain specific cards. Since I am a fairly devout black player my first goal when any new format arises is to attempt to make a mono-black deck. I tryed this with Mirage-Visions and it sucked rocks (perhaps more due to bloom then it's own fault but alas...) ... So my quest for the perfect mono-black began. The deck I would end up playing has gome through about 5 different changes (major) ... moving from a more weenie version (skulks ... fledge-hammers) ... to more control (crypt rats ... agonizing memories) ... to a final version which I felt combined the two into a smooth consistant beat factory which could crush mono-red with huge critters and life-gain, mangle mono-blue or U/w with sewer rats and Nekrataal ... and make through Aether Flash with Fat-Ass critters ... and last but not least eat it hard to Elephant Grass and Sands-o-Cheese. So I concede to Elephant Grass and Sands-o-Cheese, not even bothering with Touchstones, or a second color to handle these two threats. Scalebane Elite are bad but Reign of Terror does the trick. So I head down to DC with my stereo destroying my eardrums ... and thinking about final sideboard moves. I end up with ... 2 Reign of Terror, 3 Spinning Darkness, 3 Enfeeblement, 4 Choking Sands, 1 Urborg Justice, 2 Dirtwater Wraith (in retrospect these guys HOUSE I would have packed more). As I sit and wait for the 1st round to start (i got there mad early and registered to prevent last minute deck ditch I am known for). I sit and watch 4 out of 6 people sitting around me decide whether to run 3 main deck elephant grass or 2 and 2 in the board. I have a conversation with John Shulers snooty little friend who tells me basically my deck sucks because I am conceding to elephant grass ... and Sands-o-Pose. Whatever. So anyway first round pairings fire up and I get set to unleash the world's most dangerous group (Sewer Rat - Fallen Askari - Bike - Stalker - G-Braid) ... once again doin much damage ... One last note , I hear there are mad Ertai decks around (like half the field) ... so I snatch up an Ertai out of my binder and deface it badly throw it in a sleeve and use it as my ward for the rest of the day. 1st round --------------- Adam Something playing Stupid Ill-Red Burn 1st game: I bust out second turn Askari, he hits with a Lancer (drive-by expert) ... Askari's apply until my fourth turn I lay land ritual ... Necrosavant ... Bom Bom have a nice dream! He attacks with a Talruum next turn I block he fireblasts my Savant (4 for 1 ...) ... Next turn i drop land number 5 ... Gallowbraid hits and serves up some beat. 2nd game: Second Turn Askari, Fourth turn Stalker spinning some Celerity punks ... finally the Savant shows up and serves a harsh lesson in card advantage ... a Spite ganks him for the last 4. 2nd round ---------------- Mike Something UU/BB u/b with double color each color ... 1st Game: Man-o-waring a Sewer Rat is so weak ... the Askari beat , a Waterspout shows up just in time to get wacked by the Kung-Fu Master Chinese Nekrataal ... Waa Gaa!!! Fifth turn Gallowbraid serves up a phat 187. 2nd Game: Tight game ... I remeber dieing to a combined assault of Cloud Elemental , Waterspout and my own Ray of Commanded Dirtwater Wraith ... face down 3rd Game: He seems to only have black mana ... Hey that's why I play mono-black with 20 friggin swamps 2 other lands which make mana and eat creatures, 3 dark rituals, and 3 mind stones ... I beat on him with Rat's and Askari and Stupor him ... then the big G from the hood busts a cap in his mana-screwed ass. 3rd round --------------- Guy with Netscrub Ertai deck ... 1st game: Barrow Ghoul eats me ... even though the guy forgot to pay the upkeep on one ... he just cast another ... little Ertai punk tosses 90 critters in the graveyard --- innovative 2nd game: In go Dirtwaters and Enfeeblements for his Togs and Tais. I start fast with Rats and Askari, and a fourth turn Dirtwater. I enfeeble/bike his dirtwater ... Big G drops and along with the Wraith of Doom they put a foot up in his arse. 3rd game: Help i'm choking on my own quicksand ... ack ... I choke him down to a land stall (no blue) and start the beat down ... Something big angry and black kills him. 4th round ---------------- Dave Goodnuff U/w deck with 3 lands ... 1st Game: Dave's plan this game is to draw only one quicksand ... then top deck land to cast all the cool spells in his hand. The first part of his plan works ... but the top deck land thing doesn't a nasty beating ensues. 2nd Game: Dave stalls a bit at three mana then get's a timely flood plain which I choke ... he trys turning my big G into a butterfly but he rises up from the grave and gets medieval on him ... Do not get mana-screwed against me. You will not have a prayer, thats one of the things I like against this deck and the mono-red they both throat rip mana screwed people. And since mana screw decides more magic the gathering games at the 5-0 , 6-0 , 7-0 and final 8 tables be sure your deck can jump on it. 5th round --------------- Rick 'Hershey Candy Bar before every game' Something playing U Bounce 1st Game: I die to angry Waterspouts who mock me for drawing no Nekrataals ;( 2nd Game: Ninja-Taal say you insult my ancestor Toilet-San now you Pay!!! Haa Yaa! Mono-Blue just hates Nekrataals ... Gallowbraid busts out the .44, tre-eight, and AK-47 and slowly but surely sends him on a stairway to heaven. 3rd Game: We both drain our hands me casting him dissipating ... he draws land I draw the big black mack attack ... I drop bombs like Hiroshima ... 6th Round ----------------- Shosisiiajsjsh Shwwoosihss (really long name) playing B/u Ertai's only with about 40 creatures, mer-traders, abyssal gatekeeper fog guys. 1st Game: I get him pretty low from askari beat and stalker pain when he gets a Stairwell and I get Gallowbraid ... he's at three when he gang blocks with 3 tokens ... Let me teach you about trample. 2nd Game: 2 Stalkers start bolting him during upkeep I get him down to three ... drop G and convince him to gang block it with a Fog Elemental and a Man-o-War , once again he learns about the merits of trample and dies. I thought he learned the first match but apparently he just didn't get it. 7th Round ----------------- Draw no way ... Nice Guy playing S R B 1st Game: I get a decent draw and apparently he draws too many mountains ... When he Hammers my Fallen Askari I know I have won. 2nd Game: I draw one land in the 5 turns it takes him to kill me. 60 card deck 20 basic swamps 2 Quicksands 3 Dark Rituals 3 Mind Stones ---28 mana sources in a 60 card deck amazing ... fucking amazing ... 3rd Game: I stall at three mana but he is drawing a ton of land. I finally hit a mana pocket and some Stalkers and a few handy drain lifes later I win. 8th Round ----------------- I think strongly about playing since even if I lose I still break top 8 easy ... but I figure I need rest, in retrospect this is a mistake playing would've kept me sharper ... going half to sleep is not the thing to before final 8. But I am a tool and I draw. 7-0-1 Final 8 ----------- Crazy Randy's Sands-o-Pose deck ... fuck let me repeat ... fuck I am playing no enchantment or artifact kill whatsoever ... fuck ... fuck Alright fuck it ... 1st Game: I beat the living mother piss out him with rats, askari and a crazed Gallowbraid the combo comes one turn to late ... he chose to draw first ... I suppose he has to but it costs him. For reference my opening hand was 4 swamp, 2 dark ritual, 1 mind stone ... that sucked. 2nd Game: In go 4 choking sands (he has tons of non-basic including lotus vale) ... between those and my Stupors I hope to disrup... wait whats this ... I draw one swamp??? And he goes first and makes the pro-player move of Coercioning it out of my hand ... hmmm ... I don't play a land until my *5th* turn ... Does everyone understand this ??? I do nothing except discard until my 5th turn. Eventually 234 turns later he beats me with a Steel Golem as I have no land out. 3rd Game: preface ... I am pissed off beyond belief , I am losing my mind mad about being so embarrased by my deck. This is my downfall. My head is not clear and rational ... I will lose a spot at the Chicago PT because of this. I get a *fast* start ... I beat him and Choke him down to 5 life, Sewer Rats and Askari are all phased out when a soft-lock starts to settle in. I drain him to 2 life , hoping to kill him with a choke next turn ... on his turn he Soul Echo's for 3 ... argh ... Now here's where I hit the proverbial skids ... on my turn I choke his Gemstone and he's at 0 real life ... I have a mind stone out which isn't going anywhere ... he is at zero land (and hence I am too from the sands-pose) ... I have one dark ritual left in my deck ... he has no life so he can't wand of denial my ritual ... I need 3 'Damage' not loss of life to smoke the soul echo. If I had been thinking as clearly as I am now I would have won because - At the time I failed to remember that I need to do 'DAMAGE' not loss of life. If I had sat and thought for a moment I would have followed this logic - He has two routes to victory , a Steel Golem, and Decking me ... Decking me is probably out since he drew first and I doubt his 4 card combo deck has more then 60 cards (my deck is 60 cards) ... So he needs to kill me with a Steel Golem. What should I do? I have a mind stone in play and can lay a Swamp use it and my remaining ritual to acheive at most 4 mana - Drain life - nope two points Ritual out a Choke? That puts him at 1 Kaervecks Spite him? No because that's loss of li... OH my god I just Spited someone with a soul echo fucking shoot me in the balls I am forever doomed to choke and gag in the finals fuckme I am fucking 7-0 please give a slot anyway ARGGHHAGAGHRHRHAH!!!!! The correct path to victory is as follows ... wait until the Steel Golem is cast then Ritual out an Urborg Stalker and laugh at him as he dies. It'll do at least 1 damage bringing him to 2 (if by some miracle he Tariffs) ... and in order to cast another golem he'll have to let me have one swamp in play which means I can lay a swamp and Choke him for the kill. Why this hit me 45 seconds after my stupidness overwelmed me I don't know. Fuck. Oh well ... I really need to find a purpose for playing this game again, this mistake upset me far more then any other magic related event. I was ready to kill someone , I sat and opened my pile of prize boosters and ripped up half the cards ... they just mocked me - Chinese Lichenthrope, Purelace, Bottle of Semen, all just crap ... Well in the meantime I need to find a reason for continuing to play this game ... it used to be fun ... I really don't think it's that fun anymore , I don't know why? I don't need to go to Chicago ... I don't need the money , I don't want to be a "Pro-Player" and have to tell people 95% of my life revolves around a fucking card game, that's pathetic. and then I heard a shot ... boom ... Magic Sucks ... out, Sean O