Subject: Belated Rome Report Date: Sat, 28 Nov 1998 18:01:34 -0800 From: Tracey Wise To: fkusumot@ix.netcom.com How to ruin a perfectly good trip to Europe, by Gary Wise The following is a list of things one should avoid doing when journeying to Europe for a magic tournament: *Don't depart 30 hours before the begining of the tournamnent *Don't arrive at the airport 1.5 hours before takeoff and find there are only center seats available *Don't sit in the center seats if you are a large man *Don't sit shotgun in the cabs. *Don't roll down the cab windows *Don't bother trying to communicate with the cabbie *Don't bother asking the cabbie with whom you can not communicate for a tour of the city *Don't miss Wednesday night due to the flight *Don't go to the hotel without getting something to eat first *Don't get a hotel room in an area without food nearby *Don't give your passport to the hotel clerk *Don't get a hotel room without television (especially in Italy, where every channel is all nudity all of the time) *Don't think about all nudity all of the time when rooming with Scott Johns, Alan Comer and Brian Selden *Don't playtest till 1:30 in the morning the night before the tourney *Don't wake up three hours later *Don't start doubting your deck at 5:00 AM *Don't decide to play a completely different deck at 5:30 AM *Don't make last minute deck changes and forget to change the decklist *Don't forget to put spike counters on a Feeder *Don't forget to shuffle one card into your Oath deck after flipping a Gaea's Blessing *Don't get a game loss *Don't fail to draw a card after Oathing *Don't get a second game loss *Don't get a match loss *Don't play against a rules lawyer *Don't get mana screwed against Lackey sligh in the 0-1 bracket *Don't die turn three with a COP in hand *Don't die turn three with an Oath in hand *Don't draw 3 Volcanic Islands as your only mana sources *Don't get deck checked in the 0-2 bracket *Don't write down 14 cards for your sideboard *Don't get another match loss *Don't get six warnings in the first three rounds *Don't forget to thank the judge who lets you stay in for the purposes of getting the 2 PT points you need to make the worlds gravy train *Don't unintentially draw with a deck that is the same as your with Pincher Beetles instead of Oath of Druids;-P *Don't gloat too much when you win your 0-3-1 match against the guy who doesn't show up *Don't matter that you win your next two *Don't go out for dinner with twenty magic players, none of whom speak Italian *Don't get one table *Don't rely on the Italian version of Pizza *Don't drop the rest of your party off at three in the morning and get lost in the streets of Rome *Don't walk around an area where everything looks the same and keep saying 'this looks familliar' *Don't ask Roman prostitutes for directions *Don't get your wallet for the peice of paper with the name of your hotel on it while asking a Roman prostitute for directions *Don't run away screaming from Roman Prostitutes *Don't trust Roman cabbies to take the most direct route *Don't tip them 50% when you know they haven't taken the most direct route *Don't stay up till eight AM *Don't get 5 hours sleep *Don't money draft on 8 hours sleep for the previous three days *Don't forget to pack food *Don't sit around the tournament area missing the beginning of each tournament by two minutes for the entire day two *Don't play 15 matches with your tourney deck after the tourney and go 15-0 *Don't get sick at the end of day two *Don't waste one of your four days in Europe by sleeping for 14 hours *Don't drink the hot chocolate *Don't argue against the entire of CMU and supporters about the reason pros should not play in PTQs *Don't stay calm when the hot chocolate gives its opinion *Don't predict Andre Konstanzer is going to with the pro tour *Don't sleep the eight hours through which the top eight is played *Don't lose a bet with Mark LePine *Don't even try to interview Tommi Hovi for your InQuest article *Don't go sightseeing at all *Don't allow the all night MacDonalds to forget $20 worth of the food you were getting for others and be the one to pay for it *Don't need to mention the cabbies again *Don't return to the hotel 3 minutes before your roomies leave for the airport *Don't pack in those three minutes *Don't forget anything *Don't allow your things to pile up in a heap with your roommate's clothes during the weekend *Don't leave anything behind *Don't book the flight from Rome to London that leaves half an hour after everyone else's flight to London *Don't get addicted to Nytol *Don't remember the London to Toronto flight *Don't forget to have cash for the cab ride home *Don't let them set the exchange rates *Don't recover for the next two weeks *Don't do all of the above immediately before exams for which you aren't prepared I did each and every one of the above Props: Tommi Hovi-An amazing accomplishment which deserves all the recognition its recieved....this guy allmost fell of the train Chris Pikula- Most honest man i know Svend geertson- For recognizing that my deck was good Dirk Baberowski- Pretty cool for a guy who just lost his undefeated streak Martin Cedercrantz- finished Chicago 12-0, started Rome 4-0 Olle- The worlds most consistent constructed player Everyone else- I'm too damn tired Slops Eileen and Aziz- SHOW UP NEXT TIME British Airways- when you're trying to squeeze 10 people to an aisle, don't put all the large men in one friggin row Everyone else- I'm too damn tired Peace