Subject: The Finer Points (humor)
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1998 16:54:06 -0500 (CDT)
From: c722500@showme.missouri.edu
To: fkusumot@ix.netcom.com

"Even if you cast your Constant Mists with buyback, I'm still countering
your Endangered Armodon."

                                -Jiggy Spice's explanation
                                 to his third round PTQ opponent

Hey you damn kids, it's Finer Points time. It's your pit stop before you
go vote for In Sync's new video on MTV's Total Request Live web page. Come
on, people... vote for Hootie... that song rocks! -JIGGY, MO

* THE CARPOOL CURSE *

For those of you that have read most of my Finer Points posts (both of
you... hi Mom), you know that I am somewhat superstitious. I mean, I don't
go as far as sacrificing small animals, but I notice patterns. Bad
patterns.

I've been to two PTQs, one TSE Sealed Deck and one Rath Cycle Constructed.
Both times, I've been 2-1 going into the fourth round. And both times in
the fourth round I have lost horribly... to someone I rode with to the
tournament.

Now, I know what you're saying... "Well gee, Jiggy, this is obviously a
case of low PTQ attendance meaning that Magic is about to die and we'll
all have to learn how to play L5R!" Or maybe you're just saying, "Well,
Jiggy, that's probably just a coincidence."

Well, maybe. It could be something else.

Maybe it's the fact that before each of the PTQs I listened to the CD "The
Bottle and Fresh Horses" by the Refreshments.

The Refreshments are keeping me from making Top 8. Damn them.

* LOW PTQ ATTENDANCE *

I wasn't sure what to think when I first heard report that PTQ attendance
was dropping... so I decided to wait to go to another one before I formed
an opinion.

So, last weekend, I went to one. Forty other people showed up.

Of course, it was Wichita. A one-slot qualifier in Wichita is about as
appealing as going to see the new Oprah Winfrey movie. At least if you
take a date to the movie, you can possibly get some afterwards....

"So hon, do you think I should Capsize his Carnophage or his Dauthi
Horror?" "I'm never talking to you again."

But seriously, forty-one people at a qualifier is somewhat absurd. Hell, I
went with four other people, and together we made up one-eighth of the
competition (no, I'm not a math major). So, we obviously need a way to
pull more people into PTQs. So, what do we do?

Serve alcohol at happy hour prices.

Come on, like anyone under 21 is going to go to Rome for a Pro Tour event
anyway (unless of course they have identification proving otherwise). And
apparently, alcohol makes you play better (even though no one has e-mailed
me to explain why... hint hint). Plus, bringing a date probably wouldn't
be so bad....

"So hon, should I Capsize his Carnophage or his Dauthi Horror?" "I don't
give a damn, buy me another Bud Light."

* DENOUEMENT *

Well, that's it for this edition of the Finer Points. Feel free to email
me at c722500@showme.missouri.edu if you have any comments or questions
about how Ovinomancer works.

Joe "Jiggy Spice" Grimes
BigSmooth on EFNet